Friday, October 5, 2007

Who says you can't fit a car in your mouth?

So today The Comedian had a consultation with the orthodontist. Mr. Who and I both knew this was inevitable, as The Comedian was an avid thumbsucker when he was younger and his teeth are well, completely FUBAR. Now that he is a teenager, we figured we'd have a go at this braces thing.

The Comedian gets all examined by Dr. Dishrag - seriously that's what his personality resembles. Dr. Dishrag proceeds to tell me that The Comedian's mouth is like a wet dream to him. Not his exact words, but after he went on to tell me that The Comedian pretty much has every dental problem known to man, I assumed it. Dr. Dishrag says that on a scale of one to ten with ten being the worst cases he sees, The Comedian is an ELEVEN. Well ain't I lucky? I felt like I had won the lottery at that moment.

And how much was it going to cost me to get The Comedian's mouth looking even relatively normal? A bargain, I tell you - only FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!! What, I don't have enough cash? No problem, I can pay a third on the day he has them put on and pay the rest of in small monthly installments for eighteen months. Being that I don't have much of a choice, I guess I'll have to grin (hey, at least when I grin, my freaking teeth are straight!) and bare it.

I did tell The Comedian to kiss his wishes for a car goodbye, as he'll have all that money in his mouth for the next thirty months.

I will probably have to give the other two up for adoption if their teeth are fucked up, too. The thought of spending fifteen thousand dollars on tiny pieces of metal glued to their teeth literally makes me throw up a little in my mouth.

2 comments:

Sasha said...

That really sucks. The Politician's teeth are messed up from using a paci until age 3 (I know, I know). I supposed I have braces to look forward to in our future too.

Renee said...

Oh lordy. Something else I didn't think about when I had four kids. $5,000 a pop? Yikes.

-Renee